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Steve Guttenberg once ate half a slice of pizza before getting severe indigestion. He had to wait almost twenty minutes before finishing the slice.

Steve Guttenberg once visited an orphanage and was touched by the plight of the children there. He later forgot about the children and fapped to a mental image of Anna Nicole Smith circa 1997.

The universe does not revolve around Steve Guttenberg. Steve Guttenberg lives on a planet that revolves around a large star.

If you wave to Steve Guttenberg, he may or may not wave back, depending on the situation, if he saw you, and how he feels at the time.

Steve Guttenberg think that iMacs look neat, but he's just never got around to using one.

If you want to be friends with Steve Guttenberg, it helps if you have similar interests and enjoy the same types of activities that he does.

Steve Guttenberg has never cried at a movie, but that doesn't mean that a movie hasn't ever made him feel a little sad.

Steve Guttenberg once spent nearly three consecutive hours watching television programs.

Once someone told Steve Guttenberg a joke that Guttenberg didn't find especially funny. Steve chuckled politely and shook his head slightly before changing the subject.

Steve Guttenberg voted in the most recent elections. The rest, as they say, is history.

As a child, Steve Guttenberg asked his parents if he could have a pet dog. His parents agreed because they thought a pet would teach Steve about responsibility.

Once Steve Guttenberg gave a friend a ride to the airport. He wished his friend well and wondered if it was the apporpriate situation to give his friend a hug and tell him good luck. Before Steve could make up his mind, his friend had already entered the airport because he was running a little behind. Steve drove home while listening to a few of his favorite radio stations.

Steve Guttenberg really wanted to catch the new episode of Emergency Vets on Animal Planet, but he gut busy and forgot to tune in.

Steve Guttenberg's phone number is hard to get because he has chosen not to list his number in any directories.

Steve Guttenberg has wondered what it would be like to have a monkey for a pet, but he understands that he doesn't have the time or knowledge to actually own one.

Steve Guttenberg has used a telephone for all of his adult life, but he doesn't understand exactly how they work.

Steve Guttenberg won't say no to free money, but he might get awfully suspicious if you actually offer him some.

Steve Guttenberg once tripped on a life saver and fell into a pool. The irony was not lost on him but he refrained from laughing because he cannot swim very well.

Fool Steve Guttenberg once, shame on Steve Guttenberg. Fool Steve Guttenberg twice and you'll start to wonder if you will be able to fool him a third time.

Ideally, Steve Guttenberg would like to get eight hours of sleep a night; however, Steve usually ends up with just a little over seven.

Steve Guttenberg has tried composing music in the past but they always sound too much like pre-existing works. Fearing legal action, he only plays them at small informal social gatherings.

As a child, Steve Guttenberg believed that he was invisible if he closed his eyes. He eventually grew out of that phase because it is a part of every person's developmental process.

The farthest Steve Guttenberg can throw a bowling ball is probably no farther than you can.

Steve Guttenberg can divide by zero, it's just that when he does it's a mistake and he receives an F grade on his math exam.

Steve Guttenberg is a big hit at kareokes not because of his singing abilities, but simply because he has starred in movies.

Steve Guttenberg believes that 8 glasses of water per day is a bit extreme for any man, and suggests a much more modest 4 glasses of water.

Steve Guttenberg often goes to the same hair saloon that Tom Cruise goes to and asks for the "Star Treatment." He finds that it helps his self-esteem.

While watching Aladdin, Steve Guttenberg thought what his three wishes would be if he has a genie. By the end of the movie, he had also decided to free the genie with his last wish instead of "success with the ladies."

Steve Guttenberg has never been to Montana.

When the power goes out for a long time at Steve Guttenberg's house, he realizes just how dependent man is to technology.

Steve Guttenberg has never failed to finish a book that he has started. Well... except for a few of them that he found boring or that he intended to finish but lost interest in, of course.

Steve Guttenberg usually tips between 15 and 20 percent depending on the type and quality of the service he receives.

Steve Guttenberg's body is composed of roughly 70% water. That is why he only drinks water from his Pur purfication system.

Steve Guttenburg has several unpaid parking tickets in the state of Nebraska...where he used to park illegally while visiting his girlfriend at the time.

Steve Guttenberg once tried eating a lemon, but it was too sour so he didn't finish it.

Steve Guttenberg has heard that Wal-Mart is bad for the American economy, but sometimes he just finds it more convenient to pick up some things there while running errands.

Despite the old childrens rhyme, Steve Guttenberg will occassionally step on cracks.

Steve Guttenberg occasionally sees a police car while driving five to seven miles over the speed limit. When he does this, he usually tries to slow down inconspicuously.

Steve Guttenberg doesn't discriminate against homosexuals, in fact, some of his best friends are gay.

Steve Guttenberg is allergic to peanuts. Several years ago, he accidentally consumed a small amount and developed a rash and had difficulty breathing for a short period. He was taken to the hospital, and he didn't think the food was too bad.

After starring in the film "Short Circuit", Steve Guttenberg wondered for a while about the potential impacts and ethical implications of sentient robots in real life. That was over a decade ago, though, and the thought hasn't crossed his mind again recently.

Steve Guttenberg avoids dangerous situations. Once he came in contact with a dog that looked mean and he felt glad that the dog was on a leash.

On November 5th 1993, after hearing that one of his best friend's mothers had died, Steve Guttenberg found lint in his belly button.

Steve Guttenberg once stepped on a nail but it didn't go all the way through his shoe. That didn't stop him from clenching his teeth and breathing in sharply, though.

Steve Guttenberg once waited in line at the grocery store for 20 minutes. It was a minor inconvenience.

Steve Guttenberg went on a fishing trip with his children on June 14th, 2003, that ended with Steve almost catching a large fish, but it escaped. Steve calls this, "the one that got away".

When hearing that the Terror alert had gone up, Steve Guttenberg became mildly apprehensive for a day.

In history class during his junior year of high school, Steve Guttenberg learned that Johann Gutenberg invented the printing press in the 1450's. Realizing that he and Johann have the same last name, he took up genealogy to find out if they were related. Steve was dissapointed to hear that he and Johann are in fact NOT of the same family.

On May 21st, 2001, Steve Guttenberg went to his doctor to receive a prostate exam. He said it was very uncomfortable.

Steve Guttenberg believed in Santa Claus until he was 14 years old. Looking back on his childhood, Steve realizes this is very silly.

Steve Guttenberg once found a piece of gum stuck to the bottom of his shoe. He proceeded to remove the gum with forceps and disposed of it in a garbage container.

Steve Guttenberg was bathed by his mother until the age of 12. This practice ended when he got an erection while she scrubbed him.

Steve Guttenberg is concerned with the rising price of fuel in America. To ease his anxiety, he sometimes rides his bike to work.

Steve Guttenberg once tried to drive a bus, but found it very difficult and said he much preferred a car.

When he was 10, Steve Guttenberg was warned by his mother to wear a coat outside or he'll catch a cold. 2 days later, Steve caught a cold. Steve now eagerly takes advice from those who offer it to him.

Steve Guttenberg has two cats, both of which are named Sgt. Whiskers. He prefers the grey one because she lets him rub her belly.

Steven Guttenberg once applied for a job with a high-tech company. While in the waiting room, he heard spanish coming from the loudspeaker. It said "If you know spanish, you are hired, please come in." Steve didn't get the job.

Steve Guttenberg enjoys eating at fast food restaurants but often feels unhealthy afterwards, so it is not uncommon for him to go for a jog

Steve Guttenberg often sees beggars while riding his bike to work. They ask him for change, but he denies them. This saddens Steve, as the problem of homelessness is serious, but he himself does not have money to spare. The cost of living is very high these days, and Steve needs to save his money.

Steve Guttenberg can type 40 words a minute with 86 percent accuracy.

As a young boy, Steve Guttenberg had a paper route, delivering papers to all the houses on his block. This taught him the value of the dollar, and gave him the work ethic to succeed in Hollywood.

Steve Guttenberg sometimes thinks it would be a good idea to keep a dream journal. However, he usually forgets his dreams soon after waking up. He does remember a dream he had where he was walking in a desert and saw his great-grandmother naked.

When Steve Guttenberg had the new Harry Potter book spoiled for him, he was so distraught he neglected to take his niece out for a promised picnic, causing her to be upset with him for a period of several days.

Sometimes, Steve Guttenberg gets a song stuck in his head. He finds that it helps get rid of the song if he listens to the song again.

When Steve Guttenberg is unable to think of a word, he goes through the alphabet and tries to see what letter it might start with.

Steve Guttenberg installed night lights in the hallway leading to his bathroom. He had stubbed his toe several times trying to get to the toilet in the middle of the night, and decided this would solve the problem.

The first time Steve Guttenberg met Jeff Bridges, he was reminded of a scene from The Big Lebowski and developed a case of the giggles, forcing him to end their meeting prematurely.

Steve Guttenberg hates math, but he took four years of it in college because he felt it would make him a more well-rounded person.

Steve Guttenberg often watches the Deleted Scenes feature of the DVDs he owns. However, he is seldom delighted by the content.

Steve Guttenberg describes himself as a man of few words, though sometimes he will become very verbal if the situation calls for it.

Steve Guttenberg has been known to say he's an animal lover. However, he doesn't love all animals - especially giant squids.

Steve Guttenberg drinks one glass of milk each day, because the calcium builds strong bones. Steve feels this is an important part of any balanced diet.

Once when Steve Guttenberg's car radio went out, he found himself humming tunes to himself on his way to work.

Steve Guttenberg wishes that the box for Lucky Charms cereal looked more sophisticated.

At a school sponsored car wash, Steve Guttenberg accidentally scratched a man's new Cadillac. He found the owner and apologized, though he still felt bad afterwards.

Steve Guttenberg eats two slices of toast for breakfast, one brown bread, and one white bread. The brown bread is the main meal, and the white bread's a treat for afterwards.

Steve Guttenberg goes to church often. Well, not every week, but every once in a while.

While watching The Simpsons, Steve Guttenberg never laughs when Ralph is picked on, because he feels sorry for the poor kid.

Steve Guttenberg couldn't believe his luck when he found a five dollar bill on the ground as a young child.

Steve Guttenberg is actually a fan of the Harry Potter series of books, but is shy to let anyone know. After all, they are meant for children.

Steve Guttenberg has always been interested in learning about different cultures in america. Once while driving through the ghetto, a group of minorities opened fire on his car. This incident scarred him for life and he now spends most of his time in rural areas.

As a child, young Steve Guttenberg often dreamt of becoming a famous actor. As an adult, Steve Guttenberg has fulfilled that dream.

Steve Guttenberg never saw the big deal about the Backstreet Boys. He just didn't enjoy their music.

As a child, Steve Guttenberg had a subscription to Highlights for Children. He thought Goofus was a lamer, but found Gallant too nerdy to identify with.

Sometimes, Steve Guttenberg buys a Diet Coke instead of a normal Coke.

Steve Guttenberg has two speeds, walk and star in B-list movies.

In the average living room ,there are 2,110 items that Steve Guttenberg can use to kill a man - if the average living room contained 2,110 military-grade ballistic weapons and a will to kill that Steve Guttenberg currently lacks.

Steve Guttenberg always has breakfast at exactly 8am every day. Once has was two minutes late, but he never told ANYONE.

One rainy morning, Steve Guttenberg woke up and walked to get his paper. He found that the paper boy had not put it in a plastic bag and the paper was ruined. He was slightly upset over this.

Steve Guttenberg did not enjoy vegetables as a child. As an adult he still doesn't like them all too much, but he eats them anyway to be polite and healthy.

Steve Guttenberg isn't a superstitious man, although he once stood on his watch and broke it on Friday the 13th. Steve Guttenberg is now more careful on that particular day.

Steve spent a week volunteering at the Houston Astrodome after Hurricane Katrina hit.

Steve Guttenberg walked into a lady's washroom once because the doors were only labeled with the words "Kats" and "Nats".

Steve Guttenberg has a horrible poker face, but he makes up for it with an above-average Bingo face. Is he close to having 4 corners? You'll never know.

When Steven Guttenberg first had heartburn, he thought he was dying and went to the ER, where the doctor laughed at him and called him stupid.

In 1995, Steve Guttenberg starred in the movie It Takes Two with the Olsen twins. To this day, he still has trouble telling which one is Mary-Kate and which one is Ashley.

Steve Guttenberg feels that SNL isn't as funny as it used to be, but it doesn't upset him unless he catches a good re-run on cable.

Steve Guttenberg once got distracted while driving and accidentally ran a stop sign. Fortunately, there were no other vehicles around, so Steve didn't cause any damage.

While filming "Three Men and a Baby", Steve Guttenberg and Ted Danson were having a debate that involved Star Trek and Star Wars that had quickly escalated into an argument. Steve pushed Ted, but was shoved back, with slightly more force, by Ted. Steve apologized and they remain good friends to this day.

Steve Guttenberg once stepped on a crack, but did not break his mother's back.

It is not uncommon for Steve Guttenberg to find himself on the business end of a strongly worded letter, as his contact information was once mistakenly switched with Howard Stern's.

Steve Guttenberg drinks Pepsi-Cola instead of Coca-Cola. Not because he likes it better but because he gets a decent amount of money for drinking Pepsi in public.

Steve Guttenberg's given name is Steven Guttenberg, but he prefers to be called "Steve", "Stevey", or "Steve-o" by his close friends.

Steve Guttenberg can go 60mph, but only while in his car, a 1998 Chevy Cavalier.

Steve Guttenberg once went to a restaurant, and the waiter brought him the wrong meal. Steve didn't even notice until he had eaten half of it. When the waiter informed him of the mistake, Steve said that it was fine, and that his new meal was better than the old one probably would have been.

He ended up getting the whole dinner on the house anyway, and left a very large tip for the waiter, who he felt did an excellent job.

Steve Guttenberg once locked his keys inside his car. He was a little upset at first, but he just called the dealership from which he purchased the car and got the whole affair settled in about ninety minutes.

Steve Guttenberg makes peanut butter-and-jelly sandwiches with some peanut butter on each slice of bread, to prevent jelly from seeping through.

One day, Steve realized he always puts his shoes on by putting the right one on first. When he thinks about it he puts the left one on first.He usually doesn't think about it.

Steve Guttenberg has only two kinds of socks, white and black. He wears the white ones when he's just dressing casual, and he wears the black ones when he's dressing up.

Steve Guttenberg chooses the automobile piece when playing Monopoly because it is "the most logical choice since I'm going from street to street."

Steve Guttenberg once thought about majoring in philosophy, but decided it would be a foolish investment.

The highest Steve Guttenberg has counted is 234, although he could probably reach 1000 if he tried.

Steve Guttenberg once rushed the quarterback after only 2 Mississippi during a touch football game. This mistake was quickly pointed out to an embarassed Guttenberg.

Steve Guttenberg once ordered something online and paid for overnight shipping. He was upset the next day when it did not arrive. Later that night his neighbor came by and informed him the package was mistakenly delivered to his house.

When he was a teenager, Steve Guttenberg attended a rock and roll concert. He found the loud noise to be a discomfort, and has not attended such an event since.

Sometimes Steve Guttenberg considers growing a moustache, because he thinks Tom Selleck looks dashing.

When a waitress accidentally gave Steve Guttenberg caffeinated coffee instead of decaf, he was hyperactive all day long.

Whenever somebody brings up a Quentin Tarantino film in conversation, Steve Guttenberg says he hasn't seen that one. In truth, he's heard that all of that director's films are especially violent and he secretly avoids seeing them because that's just not his cup of tea.

Steve Guttenberg never really understood what Doritos was comparing "Nacho Cheesier" to, but it didn't really bother him.

Steve Guttenberg can't think of a word that rhymes with "Purple".

Steve Guttenberg was once addicted to Starbucks. He eventually got fed up with the high prices, though, and hasn't entered one since.

Steve Guttenberg went to the library and tried to check out a book. The librarian informed him he had a fine of 40 cents. Steve did not have change with him, and she told him he could take care of it next time. When he got to his car he realized that he did, in fact have change with him.

Steve Guttenberg once had a waxy ear. He tried cleaning it with a cotton bud, but only packed the wax down further. He finally opted to visit the doctor, where he then had his ear syringed.

Steve Guttenberg once went to buy a fresh loaf of bread. Upon picking up the loaf and realising it was hot, he dropped it on the floor and shook his hand due to the pain. He then picked it up again, and quickly threw it from hand to hand, before dropping it in his shopping cart. This is where we originally got the idea of swapping hot things from hand to hand nowadays.

Steve Guttenberg once got a piece if junk mail addressed to Steven Guttenborg. It mildly amused him and caused him to chuckle before he threw it away.

Steve Guttenberg rarely attends Major League Baseball games anymore because of the allegations of steroid use in the sport.

Steve Guttenberg is an avid bird watcher. He once saw a rose breasted gros beak in his backyard, which cheered him up for the rest of the day. Steve often wonders what it would be like to be a rose breasted gros beak.

Steve Guttenberg eats a lot of yogurt.

Steve Guttenberg will often leave money in the pocket of his winter coat and forget about it come springtime. The next winter, when he pulls his coat out of the closet, Steve gets a pleasant surprise.

Steve Guttenberg has never played a video game after that one horrific night involving a couple gallons of Tab and Ms. Pacman.

Steve Guttenberg saw the movie Titanic 8 times. When asked about it now, he thinks he probably should have spent his time more productively.

Steve Guttenberg would watch the show Friends more often if his favorite character, Gunther, was involved in more of the stories. Oh, that Gunther!

Steve Guttenberg once ate dinner at a Sports Bar with some friends. Ordering a drink, he was dissappointed that the Bar didn't have Coke, while having Pepsi. He ordered a lemonade instead.

Steve Guttenberg went into the drug store to buy a Vicks inhaler. He passed by a display of Kleenex pocket packs, and considered buying one, but decided not to since he already had three tissues in his coat pocket.

Steve Guttenberg once took a trip to Cancun. He experienced a lot of rainy weather, and began to wish that he had gone to Australia instead.

While walking down the street, Steve was stopped by a man he thought was asking for an autograph. It turns out the man was from the local newspaper and was asking civilians about a new bill that would be passed in the city. Steve had read about the new bill and gave his opinion. He was slightly disappointed to see he was not in the paper the next day.

Steve Guttenberg has never ran from a fight. He's such a generally nice guy, he just never got into one.

Steve Guttenberg never asked himself what Jesus would do in a certain situation. He does have compiled a list of things he would do for a Klondike bar, though.

Once, when Steve Guttenberg was listening to the radio with friends he sang the first line of "It's the End of the World As We Know It" as "That's great it starts with an earthquake, birds that shake without a name." which caused his friends to laugh at him. Steve does not listen to REM anymore.

Upon hearing the age old saying 'Revenge is a dish best served cold,' Steven Guttenberg simply replied, 'But a Tuna Casserole is best served hot. Or at least slightly warm.'

While on a skiing trip, Steve Guttenberg got too much speed and fell over. He chuckled a bit and told his children that he's alright, as he only got a minor bruise on his left knee.

Once when Steve Guttenberg was walking down the street the saw a penny lying on the floor, and thought about if it was worth picking up. When he came to the conclusion that it would indeed bring good luck, he had already passed the penny by a few steps. Steve found it too silly to stop, turn around, walk a few steps and bend down for just one cent. Yet he kept thinking about the situation all the way to the dentist.

When Steve Guttenberg realizes he doesn't really want to buy an item he has already put in his shopping cart, he usually goes back to the aisle he's taken it form and puts it back. One day he felt a little mischievous and tried to put the jar of dill pickles next to the cocolate chip cookies. Needless to say he was promptly caught by the manager. Steve politely apologized, mumbling about how he was in a hurry. He proceeded to buy the pickles.

Steve Guttenberg is not afraid of clowns. He's actually been very fond of them ever since 7th grade when his mom hired one for his birthday party to make balloon animals for all the guests.

Once Steve Guttenberg got pulled over by a cop. Steve got scared as heck that something with his car might be wrong, since he didn't drive faster than the speeding limit.
Turned out the cop only wanted an autograph. Steve hummed along to the radio all the way home.

When Steve Guttenberg was moving into his current house, he filled a cardboard packing case with nothing but books, thinking it was a good idea to put similar items in the same box. He learned a lesson for life that day.

Steve Guttenberg went to a strip club once but he didn't enjoy it at all, since he couldn't stop himself from thinking how the girls should have went to college instead of baring their bodies to make a living. He eventually left when a stripper came on stage that vaguely resembled his mother.

Steve Guttenberg once didn't find a toy in his cereal box. He was a little upset and pondered returning the box to the grocery store, but decided against it, afraid of the awkwardness that could ensue. Sly as he is, he he went and bought another box of cereal instead. He still keeps the Superman figurine to this day.

Steve Guttenberg refers to himself as a "cat-type" kind of person, because in his youth he was very scared of his neighbour's bulldog. He adores puppies as much as everyone else does, though.

When Steve Guttenbergs ex-girlfriend broke up with him, he got so angry he knocked a chair over. This was three days later in his apartment.

Steve Guttenberg was preparing his lunch one day when he realized he needed to recharge his cell phone. He plugged it neatly into the charger and, the crisis having been averted, was able to continue with his lunch.

Steve Guttenberg had a crush on a girl when he was in the 3rd grade, but never told her about it. He has regretted it ever since.

Steve Gutternberg's name contains the letters "r" and "n" in succession. Once, he was given an award, but the announcer unfortunately mispronounced his name as Steve Guttemberg. He awkwardly accepted the award anyway and said nothing to the announcer, who probably realize his mistake anyway.

Steve Gutternberg's VCR always reads 12:00. To keep his self-esteem up he blames the machine and not himself.

Steve Guttenberg might have sex on the first date, but only if the woman fully consents to it.

Steve Guttenberg participated in a spelling bee as a child. Unfortunately, he did not win.

Steve Guttenberg once had a big fight with his highschool girlfriend. To this day he remembers the fight, but for the life of him, can not remember what they were fighting about.

Steve Guttenberg enjoys a nice chocolate chip cookie with his milk, but only on occasion. Cookies are a sometimes food.

Steve Guttenberg was once aproached by a man on a dark street. The man pulled a knife and prompted Steve to give him all his money. Steve slowly reached behind his back and pull out his wallet. The man took the wallet and ran. Steve had no regrets about his wallet, as he came out of the incident unharmed.

Once Steve Guttenberg was asked which way he eats an Oreo. Feeling defiant at the time, Steve replied, "Why, only the cookie part!" After seeing the shocked look on the mans face, Steve walked home satisfied. He later forgot about the decision and regularly does eat every part of his Oreos.

Steve Guttenberg wakes up at promptly 8am each morning, unless, of course, he sets his alarm to 8pm. Steve often sets two alarms now, just in case.

Steve Guttenberg was once reading the newspaper while eating jell-o. He came across an article about how a little girl was kidnapped. He shook his head and said to himself 'what a sad world we live it,' as he slurped another mouthful of the wiggly, jiggly treat.

Steve Guttenberg once wanted to run for President but decided against it because he didn't want to feel guilty for doing something wrong.

Steve Guttenberg usually spends Sundays making puzzles with his mother, but could not make it last Sunday because of a prior doctors appointment he forgot he made.
He promptly called his mother up to apologize that he would not show up, and made it to the doctors office on time.

Steve Guttenberg once saw the most beautiful sunset, but unfortunatly he did not have his camera with him.


Steve Guttenberg once came apon Pandora's Box, but decided his earlier experience with a toothpaste tube that ran out was enough adventure for one day.

Steve Guttenberg once looked down a tall cliff and contemplated how nifty it would be if he could jump down and survive.

One morning, Steve Guttenberg poured orange juice into his cereal instead of milk. He found the taste unusually pleasant but still preferred milk on his cheerios.

Steve Guttenberg once wondered if one person's red was another person's blue and so on. He thought himself clever until he found out his neighbour thought of the idea two days before him.

Whenever Steve Guttenberg orders Ham & Pineapple pizza he always picks out all the pieces of pineapple because he doesn't like pineapple very much.

Steve Guttenberg always draws lines from his capital Ts to the next letter when writing in cursive, even though he knows you aren't supposed to.

Steve Guttenberg's first word was 'da-da'.

Steve Guttenberg, while mowing the lawn, often wishes he could invent a lawnmower that didn't make so much noise.

Steve Guttenberg does his best to not cry over spilled milk, but sometimes his emotions are too strong for him.

Steve Guttenberg claims to have memorized pi to 7 decimal places, but he always forgets the sixth one.

When Steve Guttenberg eats Lucky Charms, he saves one marshmallow for last, usually the red balloon. Steve rarely eats Lucky Charms.

Steve Guttengerg always uses a whole Q-tip per ear, because sometimes after the first end of the Q-tip, the wax gets smeared on the edges of his ear canal.

Steve Guttenberg once, in a sleepy haze, accidentally urinated in the trash can instead of the toilet. Steve was greatly embarrassed by this and does not usually talk about it.

Steve Guttenberg is mildly annoyed when his lamp shades are crooked. He usually straightens them only to find them crooked the next day. Steve often ponders how this is possible.

There isn't much in the average living room Steve Guttenberg could kill you with. He wouldn't want to kill you anyway, he's a pretty nice guy.

Steve prefers the original "Monopoly" to the many spin-offs. Sometimes "Monopoly" can get a tad to long for Steve, and he usually gets bored.

Occasionally Steve Guttenberg accidentally puts the cereal in the fridge and milk in the pantry. If Steve does not notice this, the milk goes sour and Steve gets depressed.

Steve Guttenberg often thinks it would be fun to drive around in a riding lawnmower. Once, Steve got the chance, but he was generally disappointed.

Steve Guttenberg has a late August birthday. One year he decided to have a party on his birthday, rather than waiting a week, because he didn't want his party to be the first day of school. He was satisfied with that decision.

Steve Guttenberg was mistaken for Craig T. Nelson by a woman once. He played along until she said she was pregnant with his child, at which point he confessed that he was joking and he apologized.

Steve Guttenberg once had a dream where he was surrounded by post-it notes. Upon waking, Steve did not remember the dream too well, but he did remember to add cheese to his grocery list.

Steve Guttenberg once thought he could "spice things up a bit" by wearing his wristwatch on his right wrist instead of his left. Needless to say, Steve felt very uncomfortable that day, and has since vowed to keep his wristwatch on his left wrist until the day he dies.

Steve Guttenberg cannot tell the difference between butter and I Can't Believe It's Not Butter and believes that both of them taste pleasant on toast.

Steve Guttenberg like butter on his rice, but only real butter, not margarine.

Steve Guttenberg once had a craving for 7-11 nachos. He went to the local 7-11 and found, to his dismay, that the machine was out of cheese. He kindly told the woman behind the counter. He patiently waited for 4 minute before she finally came and changed the cheese bag. He remained polite and paid for his nachos and went about his day.

When Steve Guttenberg was six years old, he walked into his parents room in the middle of the night because he felt ill. His parents were under the covers and breathing very hard. They did not notice him, but he stood there for a couple minutes in wonder. He eventually went back to bed and never fully understood at the time what it was that he witnessed. Later, in adulthood, Steve chooses not to dwell on the memory.

Once, while on a walk, Steve Guttenberg ran into Chuck Norris. He waved and said hello, but Chuck Norris ignored him. Guttenberg pondered this encounter the entire way home and ended up writing poetry for the rest of the day.

Steve Guttenberg gets the newpaper delivered to his house on Sundays only. He isn't home enough during the week to read them and it would be a waste of money have it delivered daily.

Steve Guttenberg once took a dump in Taco Bell restroom. After he washed his hands he saw that there were no paper towels so he was forced to wave his hands around until the air dried them.

While walking through the mall Steve Guttenberg thought he recognized somebody he went to gradeschool with. He waved and called the persons name, but the person never turned around.

Steve Guttenberg has never eaten a Buffalo Burger. He's heard they are very good and would like to try one some day.

On lonely nights, Steve Guttenberg bundles up with a blanket and a bowl of ice cream, watches Cacoon: The Return and cries.

Steve Guttenberg hates prunes. But he rather enjoys prune juice.

Steve Guttenberg once crapped his pants on the set of Police Academy 2. He requested a 5 minute break went to his trailor and changed.

Steve Guttenberg is a big fan of Superman and once tried to harness the power of the sun.
In the end all he recieved was a nasty sunburn and a mild pain in his eyes.

Steve Guttenberg isn't necessarily Lactose Intolerant.... but dairy products do tend to give him gas.

Steve Guttenberg would rather not be called Steve-O, because that makes him very angry. But then he simply forgives the person and they go on having a lovely conversation.

Why is Waldo hiding? Steve Guttenberg has no idea and probably couldn't give you a satisfactory answer.


Steve Guttenberg once replied, "I'm okay, how are you doing?" to someone talking on a cell phone. When he realized this he was so embarrassed his entire day was ruined. That night he went to bed 30 minutes earlier than normal.


Steve Guttenberg believes the secret to the universe lies in the unity of mankind with nature and all its wonders. Even Steve agrees that this idea is pretty ****ty.


Steve's hair is not made from steel, plutonium or any exotic metal. Sorry.


One of only a few men, Steve Guttenberg does not find fart jokes funny. But he does enjoy a good knock-knock joke.


Steve Guttenberg's favorite ice cream is Vanilla. When asked if that answer is too generic and Vanilla is too plain, he smiles and responds, "I am what I eat." Then he heartily laughs and awkwardly stops when he realizes that no one else is laughing.


Steve Guttenberg could probably throw a rock pretty far. How far is that? Sadly, we may never know....


Steve Guttenberg had a crush on his first-grade teacher. Years later as an adult, he thought it would be funny to look her up and go to dinner with her as a joke. However, she tragically died in a car crash, and when Steve learned of this he was so depressed and angered he said, "Fiddlesticks!" really loud, causing people to stare in the restaurant. The owner nearly asked him to leave. Steve has come to call that day "Black Wednesday".


Most books are about aspects of human knowledge. Steve Guttenberg once tried to write about human ignorance, but he got stuck on the third page because he didn't any content to work with. The irony was indeed lost on him.


Steve Guttenberg does not consider himself "talented" or "gifted", but he can roll his tongue.


Steve's favorite basketball player is Keith Johnson, even though said player does not exist. Obviously, Steve does not follow basketball very well.


Steve Guttenberg's IQ is divisible by four ... and five, and ten, and fifty, and, well, let's just say it's pretty darn average.


Steve Guttenberg once counted all the steps in his house, but, unfortunately, he forgot to write down the number and forgot it the next day. Now whenever he uses one of the stairwells, he becomes mildly sad.

Steve Guttenberg likes pie.

While walking out of a movie theater a big man insulted his date and questioned Steve Guttenberg's honor. Instead of confronting the man Steve Guttenberg said "Let's just walk away" to the woman he was with.
To this day Steve Guttenberg regrets having not done anything, while his relationship with his mother remains strained.

Steve Guttenberg is a man. I only mention it because sometimes there's a man... I won't say a hero, 'cause, what's a hero? Sometimes, there's a man. And I'm talkin' about the 'Gutte here - the 'Gutte from New York. Sometimes, there's a man, well, he's the man for his time and place. He fits right in there. And that's the 'Gutte. The 'Gutte, from New York. And even if he's a lazy man - and the 'Gutte was most certainly that. Quite possibly the laziest in all of New York, which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide. Sometimes there's a man, sometimes, there's a man. Well, I lost my train of thought here. But... aw, hell.

Steve Guttenberg finds it unreasonable to travel on highways during rush hour. He usually takes side roads instead.

Steve Guttenberg once got a D- on a math quiz. When his parents asked him how school went that day, Steve said, "Fine."

Steve Guttenberg cares about his privacy. When the cashier at PetCo asks for his phone number he tells her "No, thank you."

When shopping at the mall, Steve Guttenberg usually parks close to the Sears entrance so he can find his way out easily.

Steve Guttenberg once went with a friend to a Catholic church service, but he felt awkward during several rituals and hasn't been back since.

Steve Guttenburg once collected $200 while playing Monopoly.

If you can see Steve Guttenburg, he can most likely see you, although there are a variety of factors that could influence that. If you can't see Steve Guttenburg, he probably can't see you, although again, a wide range of factors could influence his ability to make visual contact.

Steve Guttenberg once stayed up for 24 hours. He got tired soon after and fell fast asleep.

Steve Guttenberg, despite suggestions from his friends and family, has not purchased a cellphone. He just can't get those new fangled things to work right.

One afternoon, Steve Guttenberg received a phone call from a friend he had not heard from in years. They got to talking, and discovered they only lived a few miles away from each other. They now hang out regularly.

Once when walking down a high street Steve Guttenberg actually came across a bar named the "Blue Oyster Bar", fondly remembering his Police Academy days Steve gave a wry chuckle and carried on his way. He would have gone in however Steve was already running slightly late for a dental appointment.

Steve Guttenberg got an estimate on car insurance from Progessive. A representative told him he could get better rates from All State, and Steve appreciated his honesty.

Steve Guttenberg is not a big eater by any means, though he does indulge in the occasional cookie or two after supper.

Steve Guttenberg, like many, is a big fan of The Beatles. He was very distraught at the death of John Lennon, but eventually overcame his feelings and continued his patronage to the group.

Steve Guttenberg used to have trouble finding phone numbers of friends when he needed them, so he purchased an address book. It was a fine investment.

Steve Guttenberg went to an all-you-can-eat buffet and ate all he could.

Steve Guttenberg was researching prices for a new car. For a minute he pictured himself in a nice Ferrari. At that point reality set in and he realized he could never afford the car. He eventually bought a nice Volvo for the gas mileage.

Steve Guttenberg normally goes in excess of 50 miles per hour on the freeway but sometimes goes 60 when he feels daring though not over 65 since that would be just plain dangerous.

Steve Guttenberg liked painting as a child, and was encouraged by his teacher to continue practicing. He realized it would be hard to maintain a job and income as an artist, though years later he picked up art again as a hobby.

Steve Guttenberg finds it silly to have to wear an ID any time he enters the office building he works at, but it is standard procedure so he follows it.

Steve Guttenberg once tripped over gravel that was accidently spread around a sidewalk near a construction zone. Steve didn't hurt himself, but has since been much more careful around construction zones.

Steve Guttenberg enjoys grilling outside. Charcol grilling can be a bit of a challenge, but he still uses charcol because he likes the smokey taste in his burgers and steaks.

Steve Guttenberg began getting ready for work one Monday morning as he usually does. When he turned on the television to check the weather, he realized it was Labor Day. Steve chuckled to himself and decided to make himself a nice breakfast instead.

Steve Guttenberg likes the show Maury, but feels the paternity test episodes are overdone. He now spends that time playing Scrabble with his father.

Steve Guttenberg once took a phone call while needing a letter he left in the other room. Steve went out that weekend to buy a cordless phone. Steve likes his new phone, but wishes the battery life was longer.

Steve Guttenberg discovered that he shares the same birthday as baseball player Cal Ripken. He thought this was a fun little fact, and told a few of his friends. One of them had the same birthday as Emilio Estevez.

Steve Guttenberg was never much of a gamer himself, but bought his son the game he wanted for his birthday. From what he saw, the game looked clever, but not something that perked Steve's interst.

Steve Guttenberg once had a crush on a girl named Penny in high school. He asked Penny to the senior prom, but she decided she would rather remain friends.

Steve Guttenberg hates it when people forget his birthday, fortunately for him he has no friends or family

Steve Guttenberg heard of NBC's promotion of a "show about nothing" and was very skeptical. To his amazement, he liked the show and now watches it when he has the chance.

Steve Guttenberg thoroughly enjoys chocolate cake and has some whenever he gets the chance. Unfortunately, his doctor has told it is bad for him and he has since cut down.

Steve Guttenberg thinks that pimping ain't easy. Or at least it doesn't look easy.

Steve Guttenberg once ordered a 10-piece chicken nuggets from McDonalds. He was pleasently surprised when he found an 11th nugget inside the box. He considered going back to inform McDonalds of their err, but realized that was silly. He enjoyed the extra nugget, but hasn't recieved an 11th nugget since then.


Once, Steve Guttenberg double-dipped a chip. He felt guilty about it for the rest of the evening, and has refrained from doing so ever since.

GRAND JUNCTION, Colo. - With no water and as little hope of survival, Aspen mountaineer Aron Ralston, 27, used a pocketknife to amputate his own arm and free himself from a boulder weighing 800-1,000 pounds that fell and trapped him for five days in a remote desert canyon in eastern Utah. Pinned in a 3-foot wide slot canyon near the Maze District of Canyonlands National Park south of Moab, Utah, Ralston cut through his own arm below the elbow Thursday morning, applying a tourniquet and administering first aid before rigging anchors and fixing a rope to rappel to the bottom of Blue John Canyon and hiking out to meet rescuers. ....meanwhile, hundreds of miles away, Steve Guttenberg spilled mustard on his shirt.

Steve Guttenberg once spotted a twenty dollar bill in a garbage can while walking down the street. He reached in to grab it but it fell in deeper. He then decided not to dig for it in case someone recognizes him.

Steve Guttenberg was once pestered by an environmentalist on the subway. Though he was mildy interested in what she had to say and could sympathize with her interest in saving nature, he nonetheless felt that his life was too busy as it is to help significantly.

Steve Guttenberg was inspired by a nice young female naturalist to wake up without an alarm clock. The morning he tried it he woke up 20 minutes late and had to explain that to his boss. However, Steve harbors no ill feelings toward the young naturalist and values her opinions to this day.

Steve Guttenberg neither loves nor hates Howard Stern, but he does wish Howard would donate to charities more.

Steve Guttenberg's favorite Top Ramen flavor is 'Chicken'.

Although he professes a love for real butter, Steve Guttenberg cannot tell the different between it and margarine.

Steve Guttenberg was quoted once for saying that all King Kong needed was a good nap.

One fine August morn, Steve Guttenberg was offered a leading role in a Scorsese film. He was so excited that he forgot to finish his glass of orange juice and rushed to tell his wife. But to his dismay the film studio got his birthday card and Robert DeNiro's offer mixed up. Comparingly, Robert DeNiro wondered why he was turning 30 in August.

Steve Guttenberg has never shaved twice in one day.

Steve Guttenberg accidently cut a person off while he was driving in his car. Realizing this, he promptly jumped out and ran to the other person's car to apologise, but just ended up holding up traffic even more. Steve Guttenberg doesn't like driving much anymore.

Steve Guttenberg spends his days reading books of adventure and mystery. Hehopes to someday have an adventure.

Steve Guttenberg sits alone on busses because he has a slight fear of talking with strangers ever since his childhood.

Steve Guttenberg tries to keep in touch with people he knows regularly. He likes to write cards becausehe feels they are more personal than E-mails.

One time, Steve Guttenberg ate some cookies before his dinner. He felt guilty about it for the rest of the week.

Steve Guttenberg accidently stepped on grass that had a 'keep off' sign on it. He hid in his room for about 2 weeks until he felt it was safe to come out.

Steve Guttenberg is a self-proclaimed lover, not a fighter. The only fight Steve has ever been in was with his mother, and he felt terrible and apologized soon after.

Steve Guttenberg once ate a raw 10 oz. steak, but soon after became very ill due to a case of Salmonella. He now throughly cooks all of his meat products.

Steve Guttenberg enjoys masturbating, but he does not share this with his friends because he doesn't think that this is something they would like to know.

One summer, Steve Guttenberg's neighbor informed him that he would be going on vacation for 2 weeks, and asked if Steve would feed his cats while he was away. Steve agreed, and was a little worried that one of the cats might die. Everything went fine.

Steve Guttenberg once sent a letter, and got it back the next day with a Return to Sender notice on it. Examining the letter, he found he forgot to put a stamp on it. He laughed at his mistake and found a stamp for it.

Steve Guttenberg wishes he still had his childhood toys, they are very valuable now.

Steve Guttenberg poured himself a glass of milk, and took a drink only to find it was expired. He spit it in the sink, and threw out the milk.

Steve Guttenberg may or may not have enjoyed the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

Though Steve Guttenberg and Chuck Norris have never been seen together in the same room, it would be absurd to claim that they are the same person based on such minimal evidence.

Steve Guttenberg once misspelled his own name. He was only seven at the time, but it still embarasses him.

Steve Guttenberg could not find out where Waldo was hiding, so he sighed and put the book away.

Steve Guttenburg uses a night light not because Steve Guttenberg is afraid of the dark, but because he often needs to go in the middle of the night and would rather not accidently trip in the hallway.

When Steve Guttenberg was in 5th grade, some chinese girl at his school wanted to fight him. She punched him in the stomach. He just turned red and tried not to cry, for he would not hit her back.

Steve Guttenberg once stumbled across a beastiality website while online. He stared in curiousity for a minute before he closed the window and ran a virus scan. He then peeped out the winbow for FBI choppers for the next two hours...

Steve Guttenberg enjoys babies and barbeque sauce... He claims that the babies really enjoy his BBQ Fiesta Chicken surprise.

Steve Guttenberg once contemplated growing a mustache. Then he remembered how he looked on Police Academy when he went undercover and decided not to.

If you arrange the letters in Steve Guttenberg's name, it reveals his favorite food: 'Butter Event Eggs.'

Steve Guttenberg once saw a sign that said 'Slow - Children Playing' on his way home from work. He reflected upon this for the rest of his drive.

Steve Guttenberg once pondered why The Legend of Zelda wasn't called The Legend of Link. Steve then realized that it would have spelled LoL, and then he did just that.

Steve Guttenberg enjoys surfing e-Bay, but he has yet to purchase anything, because he is wary about using his credit card over the internet.

Every now and then someone will confuse Steve Guttenburg with a real police officer. He's made a point to memorize the locations of local stations and emergency and non-emergency contact numbers, so he can direct those who come to him for help He would learn CPR, but he doesn't like the thought of touching a stranger's lips.

Steve Guttenburg hasn't seen the American Pie movies, because he feels that sexual contact with a pastry is not acceptable subject matter for a movie.

When Steve Guttenberg was young, he often dreamed of purchasing a Honda Civic and winning street races with it. Eventually, this dream was given up as Steve realized that not only were the legel implications severe, but also that his income simply did not allow for such expenses.

Although not a fan of Dairy Queen ice cream cakes, Steve Guttenberg will always accept a piece at a friend's birthday so as not to insult his host.

If you leave Steve Guttenberg alone in a room with a tape dispenser, chances are he'll dispense some tape.

Steve Guttenberg was having a bad day, he took a nap and felt much better after.

Steve Guttenberg went for a walk, while doing so he saw a small dog running at him. He heard someone yelling 'Sprinkles! Come back here!' Steve tried to grab the dog but was unable to. The owner eventually caught the dog.

Steve Guttenberg bought some Pop-Tarts from the grocery store. He brought them home to find they were not the frosted kind he normally buys, but were unfrosted. He ate them anyway, and found he prefers the unfrosted ones.

Steve Guttenberg enjoyed the Star Wars films, but didn't understand what all the fuss was about.

When Steve Guttenberg sends in his taxes, he sends the appropriate amount of money he was supposed to pay. Steve Guttenberg has yet to be in trouble with the IRS.

Steve Guttenberg doesn't go hunting, as it implies that an innocent animal may be killed. Instead, Steve Guttenberg stays at home and reads a good book.

An anonymous fan sent Steve Guttenberg the list of facts as a joke. He chuckled, nervously, and then went to the local convenience store for a slurpy.

They once made Steve Guttenberg toilet paper. It was nice and absorbant, but it didnt sell very well.

Steve Guttenberg always enjoys when Peter Frampton comes on the radio, although makes sure to sing along softly.

Steve Guttenberg once spent 10 minutes looking for his keys before he realized they were in his pocket.

Steve Guttenberg tried growing a beard once, but he thought it looked silly and got rid of it.

Steve Guttenberg hates to wear the same underwear two days in a row, but has done so on rare circumstances.

Steve Guttenberg thinks it is very important to wear comfortable socks.

The first time Steve Guttenberg used a treadmill, he underestimated it and set it too fast. He was able to grab onto the handles and get off before he fell, but since then he has maintained a healthy respect for treadmills.

Steve Guttenburg woke up early one sunday morning in an energetic mood. He discovered the exercise show was on, upon tuning into the T.V. He proceeded to copy the workout, but then felt stupid when he realised what he was doing was infact very cheesy. Steve hasn't copied this since.

Steve Guttenberg believes in accepting the consequences of his actions. For this reason, he hasn't used the backspace button on his keyboard since 1992.

Steve Guttenberg watched a DIY show on T.V. This program explained how to make an awards shelf in 5 simple steps. Upon following the instructions given, Steve was dissapointed when his own finished product didn't quite look the same.

When someone recognizes Steve Guttenberg and says that they like his work, he is happy. Usually the person names a movie like Police Academy or Cocoon, and compliments him for his performance. Many people would think that it would upset Steve that he hasn't done anything lately to surpass his earlier roles, but in actuality he understands that all things must pass, and so he's not bothered by it.

Steve once thought about changing his name, but after thinking about it he decided he was proud of his family background and decided to keep Guttenberg.

For a short time Steve Guttenberg drank one approximately one and a half two litres of Coca-Cola per day. Eventually he was forced to stop because the bottles were becoming a little expensive. Also he got a bladder infection.

Steve Guttenberg once considered opening a fast food chain. After toiling day and night for weeks, he finally came up with a name for the franchise--'Guttenburger.' Steve was impressed with himself for cleverly incorporating his name with what would be served at the resteraunt. However, the plans never went through, because he bought a big-screen TV with the money he had saved up and planned on using for the franchise.

At one point in his life, Steve Guttenberg tried to break into the rap scene. He compiled a sample CD, of 5 or 6 of his best works, and sent them to a record label. He was turned down, to his disappointment. However, at parties, Steve will sometimes tell women that he is an 'underground' rapper, to impress them, although Steve isn't exactly sure what this means.

Steve Guttenberg went to the circus as a child. He said he thoroughly enjoyed it however he found the clowns to be a little lacking.

Steve Guttenberg thinks teachers are very important.

Steve Guttenberg doesn't follow football closely, but always watches the Superbowl.

When Steve Guttenberg speaks, the sub-continent of India collectively goes on with its business.

One afternoon, Steve Guttenberg saw an old friend of his from high school. Steve waved at this person and said 'Hey Tad! Long time no see!' The person gave him a puzzled look and walked away hastily. Steve had been mistaken, as the person he was talking to was actually a complete stranger.

Steve Guttenberg started pokemon with a Charmander and had a somewhat difficult time in the battle against Brock.

Steve Guttenberg knows he's not the best actor ever, but he is still nonetheless proud of his career, and appreciates recognition for his work.

Steve Guttenberg feels he should know more about Middle East geography, but so far has done nothing to educate himself.

Steve Guttenberg wears briefs.

Steve Guttenberg enjoys fish & chips, but dislikes both malt vinegar and tartar sauce.

Steve Guttenburg does not know who let the dogs out.

Steve Guttenberg once read a site about lucid dreaming. Every night for a week he wrote down his dreams and then forgot to keep up with it.

Steve Guttenberg doesn't like going to the beach much, because he fears getting skin cancer from too much sun exposure.

Steve Guttenberg does his daily chores extra careful on Friday the 13th. He is a very superstitious person.

Once, Steve Guttenberg had company over for dinner. While cooking some soup, he spilled it on himself. He tried to make everyone know he was ok, but he soon passed out from the burning pain. Steve Guttenberg has never had company over again.

When Steve Guttenberg gets a gift that he doesn't like, he doesn't return it or regift it because he thinks that would make him look like a bad person.

While Steve Guttenberg enjoys Crunchy Peanut Butter, he finds Super Crunchy Peanut Butter to be both unnecessary and an inconvenience to spread.

Steve Guttenberg dislikes people talking loudly on their cell-phone. However, he will never tell them to shut the hell up, because he is a super nice guy.

Despite the fact that professional wrestlers are making more money in Hollywood than he is, Steve Guttenberg still likes to watch Smackdown on Friday nights.

Steve Guttenberg reads Playboy only for the interviews.

While on set of the first Police Academy, Steve Guttenberg asked if real guns would be used. When the director explained no because of cast/crew safety issues, Steve understood completely.

Steve Guttenberg has cried himself to sleep many times but never for the same reason.

Steve Guttenberg has the blood type AB negative. He has not donated blood in three years, and feels guilty about this fact.

Steve Guttenberg once drove to the bank to deposit a check, then he realized the bank was closed because it was after 5 PM. He was a little dismayed, but figured he could still deposit it monday morning. His girlfriend called when he got home and asked if he deposited the check, he said he did not, she replied "Oh. Why is that?" and he responded "Because I got there too late, it was closed." and she said "Well you could still go on Monday morning" and he said "Yeah that's what I was going to do."

Once when Steve Guttenberg was playing Mega Man X and was having trouble finding the helmet upgrade. "Oh, fittlesticks" said Steve. Steve now prefers Mega Man Legends.

Steve Guttenberg enjoys a good dance in the rain but only if he is in possession of a golf umbrella.

Back in N. Massapequa, New York, where Steve grew up, his family's last name is pronounced "Gut-in-berg"; however, as a star, it is now pronounced "Goot-in-berg."

Steve Guttenberg refused to star in Police Academy:Assignment Miami Beach due to the fact that the movies poster would have depicted him with an alligator. Steve Guttenberg is terrified of alligators

It's been said that lightning never strikes in the same place twice. In actual fact, Steve Guttenberg remembers an incident when this did indeed occur. However Steve doesn't have the full details of the incident at his disposal to construct an argument, so just nods pensively when he hears this saying.

Steve Guttenberg once considered buying a toaster but felt using a grill would keep him down to earth and keep his fans from abandoning him.

While doing push-ups during high school PE class one day, Steve Guttenberg contemplated the possibility that he wasn't lifting himself up but rather pushing the earth down.  This philosophical paradox troubled him for the rest of the school day.  After school he drank a glass of milk and took a nap.  When he awoke a couple of hours later, he had forgotten all about it and felt much better.

Steve Guttenberg had trouble fitting in and felt awkward in high school.  He does not reflect on this too much today though, because he understands that for most people, high school is a socially challenging time.

Like most people, Steve Guttenberg carefully cleans himself after using the bathroom.  Steve exercises extra care, however, because he realizes how an embarrassing situation in a restroom could harm his reputation as a celebrity.

While filming "High Spirits", Steve Guttenberg accidentally spilled a cup of coffee on Daryl Hannah's dress. Steve apologized profusely, but Daryl assured him she was all right. Now whenever Steve drinks coffee on a movie set, he is always sure to have the travel lid placed securely on top of his mug.

During his five-year hiatus between filming "Three Men and a Little Lady" and "It Takes Two", Steve Guttenberg spent his days rearranging his home video collection and pondering the commercial success of a third installment in the "Cocoon" series.

Steve Guttenberg usually brushes the tops of his teeth first, then the inner surfaces and then the outer surfaces. If he's in the mood, he may also use the toothbrush on his tongue a little bit. Steve Guttenberg thinks he has pretty good, but not perfect, dental hygiene, and to this day has only had one cavity.

Steve Guttenberg once ate a Twinkie in a movie. He liked it, but he did say that he prefers Devil Dogs.

Steve Guttenberg once called some children in a movie "midgets". He then  realized his incredible insensitivity and apologized in writing to the  Little People of America.

Steve Guttenberg once got in a fight with Tom Selleck during the filming of Three Men and a Baby and was moderately hurt. What stung Steve more was the blow to his ego, and the shame that attacking his cast mate had brought on. This was the last time Steve chose to fight.

Steve Guttenberg plays a police officer, but he secretly wishes that he could be a fireman so that he could spray people with water and not bullets.

One time Steve Guttenberg shoved an old lady because he thought she was sassing him, but in reality she wasnt sassing him in the least bit. Steve Guttenberg will not make that mistake again. The reason for this is because she is dead.

Steve Guttenberg once caught a large mouth bass, but was unable to ascertain what size its mouth was.

Steve Guttenberg does follow the "i" before "e" except after "c" rule; however, he get's confused when it comes to "weird".

When Steve Guttenberg's remote control stops working, he changes the channel by first trying from several different angles. If that doesn't work, he replaces the remote's batteries with fresh ones.

Steve Guttenberg is the one responsible for Leslie Easterbrook's wet t-shirt scene in Police Academy 4.  Though he realizes the movie was rated PG, he wanted a going away present since he planned not to do anymore Police Academy movies.  To this day, he regrets his idea.  The cast jumping in after her was NOT scripted and she almost drowned trying to swim away as a result.

Steve doesn't like to refer to his films as celluloid as it reminds him of his overweight Aunt Sherri.

Steve Guttenberg once tried out for the high school freshman basketball team.  After making 2 out of 10 free throws, including an air-ball, he was cut from the team.  To this day he has never picked up a basketball again.

Steve Guttenberg enjoys Chuck Norris films and even tried to grow a beard.  When it came in patchy, he shaved it off.

When Steve was younger he was dared by his friends to steal a candy bar from from a convenience store. Steve spent several akward minutes browsing the aisle before making his move and then, feeling guilty, payed for a king size Milky Way which he enjoyed very much despite his friends' ridicule.

Sometimes when Steve dreams, he dreams about mathematical equations and the answers to them. Often when he wakes up the next morning he has an erection.

Steve Guttenberg often finds himself staring at his reflection in shiny surfaces and thinks to himself, "Dang but i am good looking guy...I should have my own tv series called Becker not that ugly fool Ted Dansen."

Steve Guttenberg will on occasion, buy two fast food cheeseburgers, eat one and freeze the other so he might enjoy a convenient and tasty meal at some later date.

While driving about town, Steve Guttenberg will turn corners very slowly as not to cause undue wear on his vehicles tires.

Steve Guttenberg prefers the standard minty white toothpaste and is not convinced that the gel toothpaste is any better.

Steve Guttenberg's guitar amplifier volume knob only goes to 10, and sees no reason to have it go to 11.

Steve Guttenberg still has a calendar from 1983 hanging in his kitchen because the puppy featured for June is just so darn cute.

Once Steve Guttenburg realized he was out of toilet paper after going number two.  He turned slightly red, even though no one was around, and used Kleenex instead.  He always keeps Kleenex around now, just in case.

Steve Guttenburg once picked a bouquet of wildflowers for his mother, but then he started to consider how picking a flower makes the plant die.  He felt badly afterwards about killing them and hasn’t picked wildflowers since.

Steve Guttenberg regularly eats meat as part of his daily diet. However, he sometimes claims to be a Vegetarian, especially when in the company of another Vegetarian, and especially if she's really, really hot.

To this day, Steve Guttenberg regrets turning down the chance to star in Police Academy 5.

Steve Guttenburg once saw Screech, from Saved By the Bell at a restaurant in New York City.  He didn't make eye contact for fear of being recognized.

Steve Guttenburg's distant ancestor Johannes Gutenberg invented the printing press.  When Steve's great-great grandfather immigrated to America in the 19th century from what is now known as Germany, the spelling of his last name was changed due to a misunderstanding at the immigration office on Ellis Island.

Steve Guttenburg was once known to perform card tricks at parties.  He learned them from reading a book.

When he was very young, Steve Guttenberg had an overactive salivary gland.  As he grew older this problem went away, though he still thinks about it every once in a while.

Steve once had a neighbor who would always ask to borrow things and never return them. One time his neighbor asked to borrow a power drill, Steve politely told him no, not until you return what I have already given you. His neighbor apologized and returned Steve’s stuff.

Steve Guttenberg is a healthy snacker. A handful of chick peas, straight from the can, is just fine for him.

Steve Guttenberg once read a humorous news story in his local newspaper about a man who glued his bottom to the toilet seat. He wondered if he should clip it out and add it to his collection, but he eventually decided against it and turned to the business section.

Every time Steve Guttenberg boards a public bus, he becomes paranoid that the other riders will recognize him and ask him for an autograph. It is not until he gets off the bus that his fears are extinguished.

Steve Guttenberg once read a book in his youth that influenced him to become an actor later on in life. One day, he went to the bookstore and found that he couldn't remember the name or author of that particular book. Dismayed, he went home and listened to the radio.

Steve Guttenberg only keeps one television in his house, preferring the atmosphere created by a radio.

One day, Steve Guttenberg was being followed extremely closely by an aggressive car driver. Not wanting the situation to escalate any further, Steve drove to the nearest police station. By that time, the driver had driven away, but Steve felt he should report the aggressive driver's license plate number to the police.

Steve Guttenberg occasionally visits the bank nearest to his house. One day, the bank teller there told him that he had been overdrawn by seventeen dollars. Steve Guttenberg asked her to check again and she informed him that she was mistaken. Steve now visits the bank less frequently and checks his account information online.

Steve Guttenberg often shops at thrift stores, knowing that he can afford to be a little more frugal and still recieve good quality goods and merchandise.

Steve Guttenberg once visited an amusement park with his family. He went on a small rollercoaster on his own and felt queasy afterwards. Nowadays, Steve prefers the comfort of a merry-go-round.

Steve Guttenberg once went out for a nice dinner with his family, and was repeatedly annoyed by a rude fan who shouted various lines from Police Academy at him. After unsuccessfully asking the fan politely to let him be, Steve was forced to ask the manager to remove him.

Steve Guttenberg often recieved collect calls from a distant cousin of his from Oregon in his early career as an actor. Now, whenever the operator asks him if he wants to recieve a collect call, Steve Guttenberg politely refuses.

Whenever Steve Guttenberg becomes angry at a person, he compiles a list of things that the person can do to better themselves. When he finishes writing the list, he seals it in an envelope and puts it in a chest in his attic. Steve prefers to forgive and forget.

Steve Guttenberg once had a Stretch Armstrong action figure in his youth. As a kid, he decided to stretch it as far as he could, but the figure snapped forward and hit him on his hand. Steve decided to donate the toy to charity afterwards.

Although he's not a religious man, Steve Guttenberg once followed the Indian tradition of not getting his hair cut on Tuesday. He did this because of an incident in which his barber accidentally made a cut in his neck during a Monday night haircut. Steve couldn't find any culture that restricts haircuts on Monday, so he decided on refraining from getting his hair cut on Tuesday. Looking back, Steve realized this was very silly and now gets his hair cut on alternating Mondays and Tuesdays every month.

Steve Guttenberg believes that the fist step to a successful marriage is getting married.

Steve Guttenberg uses a pay as you go dialup connection for browsing the internet. Although his friends have recommended broadband, Steve feels that the time he spends on the internet is not enough to justify the extra cost of a broadband connection.

Steve Guttenberg often uses the self checkout lane in grocery stores. He finds himself feeling awkward when making small talk with a cashier, so he'll often try to avoid it.

As a child, Steve Guttenberg was often teased because of his last name. Although the jeers of "Gluttonberg" had a profound impact on his psyche, nowadays he prefers to think about fun things like rollerblades.

As a child, Steve Guttenberg was once asked by his friend's father if he wanted to spend the night in his bed. Afraid, Steve politely asked for a ride home and never spoke to his friend again.

Steve Guttenberg spends the majority of his day waiting for a phone call from a friend. When that phone call does not come, Steve Guttenberg gets sad, but then realizes there is a hope for tomorrow.

Steve Guttenberg went to a strip club once but he didn't enjoy it at all, since he couldn't stop himself from thinking how the girls should have went to college instead of baring their bodies to make a living. He eventually left when a stripper came on stage that vaguely resembled his mother.

When Steve Guttenberg lifts a box off the ground, he always makes sure to use his legs to help support his back, but he has been known to pick up small objects, such as coins or mail, without bending his knees.